Bull Moose Strikes Back

• Yet another study where they could have saved the grant money by just asking me. In my house if you were born under President Ford you took the most beatings. If you were born in President Reagan’s second term the least. there was a pretty linear line for beatings vs. year born between those two points.
• “Prostitutes are a product, like cereal,” said one man. “You go to the grocery, pick the brand you want and pay for it. It’s business.” Hmm…. I just got a good idea for a niche trademark practice.
• I noticed that Senator Obama used “The Rising” as his theme music in North Carolina. That made me think: If The Boss is looking for another horrific terrorist attack to use as the inspiration for another great album, he’s endorsed the right man.
• How much wood do you think Al Gore was sporting as the death toll from the Burma typhoon kept going up? He couldn’t hold his wad even a tasteful period before blaming it on manbearpig global warming. Because everyone knows there were never powerful typhoons before the industrial revolution.
• I flipped to a random Simpsons DVD and played three consecutive episodes the other night. It turned out to be three Season 5 episodes that had a now-dead guest star in each one: “$pringfield” with Robert Goulet, “Bart’s Inner Child” with James Brown, and “Boy Scoutz ‘N the Hood” with Ernest Borgnine. I wonder if a show has been on too long when each episode from the fifth year it was on contains a different dead person. UPDATE: Apparently Ernest Borgnine is still alive. Who’d have thought?
• Today on the ferry I had three Mormons share my booth with me. Far be it from me to stand in judgment of any man’s religion – as long as that man isn’t trying to kill me in the name of it – but those people are too nice. Maybe we should all be Mormon. For how wacky I find of some of their beliefs, I can’t say I’ve ever had an ill word to say about any Mormon I’ve personally known, other than being too nice, and I’m generally not one to spare ill words.
• And what’s with the all the good looking Mormon women? Included in the people sitting with me was a young couple – a kind of ugly dude and an extremely cute girl. I can see them at the meeting where they assign husbands: “Sorry, to get a plain dude you need to be smokin’ hot. In the Mormon community extremely cute only gets you kind of ugly.”

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