Bull Moose Strikes Back

What the hell? If this is becoming a trend in biotech, it looks like I got out just in time.

3 Comments »

Here’s a valuable lesson I’ve learned from clerking: On Fridays when lawyers are generally out of the office for motion calenders, golf, or yachting, the staff has a slack party. I walked out of my office to use the can and saw no less than 4 games of solitaire and one person just reading People Magazine.

Now I know that if I ever open a small or solo firm, I’m installing a webcam in my office that I can monitor on my Blackberry to keep the staff productive.

2 Comments »

Many thanks to the good people at Eppendorf for helping me stave off missing the lab:

That’s actually pretty damn funny. They got the frumpy, west coast, female lab worker down perfectly, probably because I imagine they used a frumpy, west coast, female lab worker for the part. Note: harsh features, little or no makeup, hasn’t smiled since 2000 or at least 2004. I’m surprised they didn’t work in her Prius with an Obama “Hope” bumper sticker into the video.

Actually, work in a “Damn!” or two and you have Three Times One Minus One:

And just because I found it and it also reminds me of people I used to work with:

Yes, that’s Chloe from 24 behind the counter.

2 Comments »

GUN OWNERSHIP AT LONG LAST DECLARED AN INDIVIDUAL RIGHT GUARANTEED BY THE SECOND AMENDMENT!!!

Hurray common sense!

No ambiguity of a concurring opinion.

Suck it, gun fearing weenies. Suck it long, suck it hard.

And the NRA didn’t want to push this case. Pussies.

7 Comments »

Congratulations to my old home of Madison, Wisconsin. They have managed -for the moment – to out-dumbass both Seattle and San Francisco. That’s no easy feat.

Since becoming a parent, I’ve developed a new love for the drive through. The ability to shut the kids up with an ice cream cone without having to go through the ordeal of getting them out and back into the car is indispensable. Though I’d guess Madison proper is becoming one of those cities where people don’t actually have kids, and if they do they are looked down upon as “breeders,” like they are in their lefty-nutjob-ridden sister cities.

2 Comments »

Ho-hum. Another day, another terrible 5-4 decision from the Supreme Court. It’s like they are trying to make up for the line of good cases that came out right after Roberts and Alito were put on the court.

Take heart, though. Scalia apparently wrote the Heller decision coming out tomorrow. That’s not a sure-fire sign that it is right, though. Justices have been known to switch sides on an issue in order to write the majority opinion to mitigate the damage done by it. However, it was thought that Justice Swing Vote was OK with guns like he is OK with religion. Lucky us.

Incidentally, if anyone ever rapes my kid, the decision that came out today won’t save them from the death penalty. I live in a big state. A big, empty state. The Mount Baker National Forest is like space: No one can hear you scream.

UPDATE: You know a decision is farked up when I can agree with Senator Obama on it.

1 Comment »

I was a minor fan of George Carlin, much preferring Cardinal Glick to the bulk of his stand-up. However when he was on, he was hilarious.

Two of my favorite of his bits:

Baseball vs. Football:

Sick of Guys Named Todd:

No Comments »

This week so far I am writing a purchase and sale agreement for a $3.75 million commercial transaction. My boss handed me the file and told me to just do it even though I had never done anything like it before and only kinda had it covered in one of my classes.

A couple months ago I was arguing with a Quality Assurance guy about whether I was doing an assay right which I performed for seven aggregate years and thousands and thousands of replicates and he had never done.

Compare and contrast.

No Comments »

I ran into a member of the “Tittie Troopers” at the Costco food court line today. Perfect for the unveiling of my new category “Stay Classy, Kitsap County!” (New, but I will be retroactively adding certain entries into the category.)

Hey, who wouldn’t wear such a classy shirt in public? Well, apparently the kind of woman whose said titties are worth trooping for one, I guess.

UPDATE: I’ve been informed that entering “tittie troopers” as a Google search brings up this blog as the #1 entry. And it’s only been an hour or so. It’s a proud day for the Bull Moose Nation.

1 Comment »

My belly is full from hot dogs and brownies from the welcoming BBQ for the 1Ls starting Criminal Law today.

Man… That seems so long ago. I hardly remember what mens rea is anymore. I’ll have to watch Legally Blond to refresh my recollection before the bar.

A classmate of mine who started with me said, “Aren’t you glad this isn’t our welcome barbeque?” Kinda, but on the other hand I would know to flee while I still could.

Welcome to law school Class of 2011. Bwah ha ha ha ha!

No Comments »

I know we all have a long week ahead of us, but there is something to look forward to in Seattle this weekend: The Annual Mustache Parade.

That’s something the whole family can enjoy.

1 Comment »

2 Comments »

Freighter: “Hey! You scratched my anchor!”

– OR–

Uecker: “God damn it, they ruined my boat!”

Partner: “Hey, you can’t say god damn on the air!”

Uecker: “Don’t worry, nobody is listening anyway.”

Well, they probably are listening to the Brewers this year again, being over .500 and all. Harry Doyle, however, should come work for the Mariners. He could get drunk off of his ass on the radio and no one would ever notice.

I like the opening sentence: “Actor and Milwaukee Brewers radio announcer Bob Uecker…”

Actor? Does playing himself in a couple of Major League movies, the last being ten years ago, and being the dad in a crappy sitcom 20 years ago make him an actor?

No Comments »

Something I’ve learned after working at a law firm for a week-and-a-half: There are a lot of jerks around. More than I even thought, and I didn’t think I was naive about the number of jerks in the world.

Contractors who won’t pay their water bills; home building companies who keep earnest money against contracts; step children who want to terrorize step mothers over wills; greedy relatives who come out of the woodwork and present deathbed wills to be signed by rich cousins; developers who want to plop monstrosities of buildings in small villages in front of houses, against code, blocking the view the houses have had for a hundred years.

Since we aren’t supposed to settle things by beatings anymore, I guess lawyers have to do it this way. Not to say I wouldn’t mind going back to the beatings system.

1 Comment »

I was going to say something about the Boumediene decision, but two people much smarter than me have already criticized it, starting at page 82 here, after the 8 page syllabus, the 70 page opinion, and three pages of Souter’s bullshit. (Generally the longer the opinion, the worse the decision they are trying to hide. The majority and concurrence in Dred Scott – which is actually cited in the majority’s opinion in Boumediene - is about as long. )

But let’s just say James Madison would likely not be too enthusiastic about this opinion.

I’d just like to ask one favor of Justice Kennedy, who is pretty much a one man Supreme Court at this point: Please decide Heller right. If you are going to release lawless foreign combatants into a system that can’t even decide if R. Kelly was having sex with an underage girl when they have the tape of him doing it, at least give us our guns so we can protect ourselves.

What I would like to see is President Bush just ignore the ruling. What does he have to lose? He and the Congress, two branches co-equal with the judiciary, worked this out and found it constitutional in their opinion. Just because it has been 220 years doesn’t mean it’s too late to ignore Marbury v. Madison. To paraphrase Andrew Jackson, the Supreme Court has made their ruling, let them go down to Cuba and enforce it.

Another thing to think of when voting for Bob Barr: A President Obama is going to refresh Ginsburg, Stenves, and Breyer. With 60-plus Democrats in the Senate next year, a President McCain might not be able to get another Roberts in, but he might be able to at least sneak another 50/50 guy on the bench.

11 Comments »

I was handed this and told to write a summary judgment motion:

That wouldn’t be so bad, except that I need about three documents to do that, and the opposing counsel purposely hid those three documents in all those other documents when handing them over during discovery.

I suppose I should be thankful. If there were more at stake in this case, there would be boxes and boxes of documents hiding the ones I need.

Plus I have Ol’ Red there to help me sort things out.

No Comments »

Dear Grim Reaper,

You decided you needed to take someone in the NBC newsroom. Fine. But you walked by Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Matt Lauer, and an assorted bag of other worthless “newsmen” and decided to take Tim Russert? One of the few modern newsmen who could actually be fair? A guy who had the stones to a proud Buffalo Bills fan?

Screw you, Grim Reaper.

Sincerely,

Bull Moose Nation

1 Comment »

My new office is near a park. The park attracts ice cream trucks in the summer.

I’m sure I looked crazed just now chasing the ice cream truck down the street dressed in my lawyer garb in hot pursuit of a chipwhich after hearing the truck’s music from my open window.

Probably for the better, I didn’t catch the truck.

I have to hand it to that ice cream guy. He didn’t let the fact that 1) it barely cracked 60 degrees today and 2) school is still in session stop him from peddling ice cream on the street.

1 Comment »

How come global warming this week is regional? I’d like to borrow some global warming from the southeast right now. It’s Junuary (someone else’s “clever” play on words) 10th here and it’s snowing in the mountains for crying out loud.

I’d love to take the kids camping for Father’s Day, but don’t want them to freeze to death. Maybe we can pump some heat up from North Carolina.

1 Comment »

Today was the first time since working at the campus housing food service in college that I worked at a job where there was no lab.

I’ve quickly realized that on days where I was just supposed to be doing report writing or paper reading, I liked going into the lab and just looking around and straightening up or making sure nothing was on fire just to get a quick break. There’s no escape when it’s just the office and Westlaw.

I have a doozy of a case to start on. It’s an almost Grishamesque tale of a large inheritence, crooked lawyers, greedy relatives, and a deathbed will.

Hopefully I won’t get whacked. Does a lowly law clerk ever get whacked in a Grisham book?

2 Comments »