This installment comes from Slate’s “Since You Asked.” (H/T Althouse.)
Dear Cary,
I hope this letter finds you well and healing.
I am writing because I am feeling more and more estranged from my father in the last few years, and I would like to return to the loving, respectful relationship we had while I was growing up. I am an independent, socially liberal woman in my mid-20s, currently in graduate school. My father is a retired civil servant and veteran of the Vietnam War. I am sure part of our conflict is generational; he has always been nostalgic for the “good old days” when men wore hats and acted decently. I remind him that men in lynch mobs wore hats, and it didn’t make them any more decent. He, however, chooses to idealize the values of his childhood, and ignore the racism, sexism and ideological repression of postwar America.
He has always identified as a Republican or an Independent, but it was a socially liberal, small-government kind of republicanism. In the last few years he has exchanged his moderate views for right-wing conservatism. His sole source of information is Fox News and conservative radio shows, and he has espoused increasingly paranoid views of our country’s future and President Obama’s intentions. He actually thinks Obama may be a Muslim, a socialist/communist, and is actively destroying America while the left-wing media clings to political correctness and looks the other way. He watches Glenn Beck and thinks, Yes, this makes sense. He is becoming myopic, and I am ashamed to say, racist and ignorant.
This is not the man I grew up with. I think he fears a future he cannot control, and longs for a past that never existed. He is responding to this existential crisis with fear, anger and paranoia. I feel for his situation, but cannot respect the viewpoint it generates. We are at a point where we can barely speak about current events or politics without deeply offending one another. I feel I cannot reconcile myself to his beliefs, and I know it is profoundly changing our relationship. How can I help him embrace a progressive, inclusive future? How do I bring back rationality, sensitivity and temperance into our discussions?
Worried
Cary’s response was pretty pathetic and completely predictable. If you read the response and replace “Fox News” with “heroine” it pretty much makes sense. (Althouse liked it, though. Women and their feelings…)
Here is the correct response:
Dear Worried,
Seriously? “How can I help him embrace a progressive, inclusive future? How do I bring back rationality, sensitivity and temperance into our discussions?” Sweet baby Jesus, I can’t fathom what the problem is. I mean, who wouldn’t want a snotty graduate student walking into their house and lecturing them about what an ignorant racist they are?
You are an independent, socially liberal woman in my mid-20s, currently in graduate school? Translated into English that means you’ve never been out in the real world a day in your life, haven’t paid a cent of income tax, and in general you know shit about shit. It sounds like your old man, on the other hand, has seen a couple of things. If something has his attention, maybe it’s worth thinking about.
First, I have to say that Fox News can be a healthy part of a complete information diet, and yes, it probably wouldn’t hurt the old man to flip around the dial or the internet a little bit to keep himself intellectually honest. However, anyone who takes Slate seriously enough to actually write to their advice columnist probably isn’t really in a position to criticize anyone’s choice in media.
You say, “he actually thinks Obama may be a Muslim, a socialist/communist, and is actively destroying America while the left-wing media clings to political correctness and looks the other way.” If that’s so, it sounds like he’s batting about .400. However, I doubt that is what he’s actually thinking. I know your type. You hear someone saying something that doesn’t completely square with your secular-progressive world view and your “nuanced” mind shuts down, runs the first sentence heard through the Daily Kos/Olbermann decoder ring and spits out the proper, easily-identifiable “what the right thinks” catch phrases.
Let me frame this in a different way: Your dad likely thinks your political beliefs are as ignorant and dangerous as you think his are. Does he harangue you and write you to half-assed advice columnists about his terrible daughter? Does he try to control the TV you can watch and radio you can listen to?
What you should do is visit your dad and apologize for saying snotty shit like “men in lynch mobs wore hats, and it didn’t make them any more decent” and for saying ignorant shit like “ideological repression of postwar America.” Rather than focusing on the racism and sexism in the ’50’s try to identify what your dad cherishes about those days. Maybe you will get something out of it. If your dad is or was a decent man like you say, there must be something worthwhile there. And are you sure that he “longs for the past” or is he looking to the past as a guide to the future? You might also want to think hard about whether he’s really changed that much or whether you have.
Or just keep harping on him with your know-nothing self righteousness until he finally tells you to fuck off and cuts you out of the will. Whatever.
Lovingly,
Bull Moose
