Bull Moose Strikes Back

The guidelines not withstanding, is there any chance this thing isn’t being named M/V Norm Dicks?

Unless they think that the new Boeing-built Norm Dicks class refueling tankers are enough.

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This is a picture of the corner of the ferry in which I am currently sitting:

I’m starting to feel a little paranoid.

You can see the one is a promotion to snitch on litterers, the other is a sign to not be afraid to look out for terrorist’s bombs. Meaning every time I leave my stuff to take a leak I have to exchange words with some jackass illiterate able seaman on a power trip when I get back. We’re on a boat surrounded by freezing water. Where the hell am I going to flee? I’m as much for not wanting to be blown up as the next guy, but I also appreciate common sense. It’s not like the ferry out of dock is like the ticketing lobby of an airport. (Besides, if I was going to bomb the ferry, I’d just drive the bomb aboard. My car hardly get sniffed by the dogs anymore. My motorcycle never does.)

And I would help stop terrorism on the ferries, but I don’t want to be called a racist by the Seattle PI. I’ll wait until after the 18th when they no longer exist.

The Washington State Patrol is responsible for both signs. I don’t think creativity is their strong suit.

Now you may think that because Seattle is one of the ground zeros for the environmental movement litter wouldn’t be such a concern. You’d be wrong. I’m still stunned by the amount of trash on the side of the road in Western Washington. We have the second worst litter strewn highways of anywhere I’ve ever been. It’s probably a little better than Indiana, but, hey, aim high Washingtonians.

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Visit Bremerton. Home of Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, a fine naval museum, and a crucified squirrel.

No word on whether the squirrel crucifier is the same person who called in a bomb threat on the Bremerton ferry today, but whoever called in the threat should thank whatever god or gods they pray to that I decided to take the Bainbridge ferry straight from work today instead of going back to Bremerton like I sometimes do. (I was slightly confused as to why the Bremerton ferry was unloading in Bainbridge until the text alert came through on my phone.

Wait a minute… someone intersted in bombing ferries… Bremerton police, be on the lookout for this guy:

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The suspicious ferry riders have been found and cleared. I’m sure the Seattle PI feels vindicated in not running their picture. They shouldn’t. They should feel like they dodged a bullet.

I’m writing this on the ferry, and there are about 1000 people on board with me right now. The ferries on the routes we meet up with on the way into Seattle have even more people on them. The Seattle PI decided that it was OK to gamble with our safety because running pictures of olive skinned people in connection with the word “suspicious” made them feel funny in their politically correct pants.

Never mind that 25 of the last 27 people to commit horrific terrorist attacks inside the borders of the United States happened to have olive skin, if they look middle eastern, they must be given a greater benefit of the doubt, right? And spare me any politically correct lectures. From my my college roommate of Pakistani decent to my Iraqi and Iranian first bosses to my wife’s Iranian uncle, I am well aware that Middle Eastern does not equal terrorist. But that does not translate into someone should never be called a suspicious person if they have olive skin.

I’m not sure where the Seattle PI got the idea that one has to be convicted of a crime before their picture can be shown in the paper, especially if the FBI wants to talk to them. Especially when they were acting weird enough to get the attention of a ferry crew that is used to all kinds of weird behavior, and see many more than two dark skinned people a year.

And what horrible fate befell these men when they talked to the FBI? They checked out their story and cleared them. What a horrible fate! The men were here on business and had never seen a car ferry before. Fine. No one’s rights were violated, no one was whisked off to Gitmo in the middle of the night. You couldn’t have helped out with that Seattle PI? You’d rather play your idiotic political correctness games with the safety of thousands on a what has been established to be a possible terrorist target? Jerks.

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• R.I.P. “Phantom” Dan Federici. When I saw The Boss a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that Federici had played with them a week before and that he was expected back, so I wonder if he knew how little time he had left.
• Speaking of The Boss, his endorsement of Obama may be the least surprising political endorsement ever. I’m just surprised it took this long. I love Springsteen’s music, but he strikes me as a guy who would believe that Obama will be able to solve the world’s problem with his magic Hope Ray that shoots from his chest, much like a Care Bear.
• When Expelled comes out on DVD, I’m going to watch it back-to-back with An Inconvenient Truth to see which movie is funnier. What isn’t funny is that science, at least in popular culture, seems to have turned into dueling propaganda pieces from noted scientists like Ben Stein and Al Gore.
• Speaking of the Global Warming, we’re expecting an inch of snow. In Seattle. On April 18. It will be the latest snow has been recorded here. I for one welcome my new Global Warming Overlord.
• With GPS navigation systems becoming more and more prevalent and affordable, I wonder how often we’ll hear this excuse for clusterfucks. Someone should tell the bus driver the GPS doesn’t know how tall the bus is. Or rather was. My GPS receivers have told me some pretty stupid things in the seven years I’ve been using them. The fact that computers are stupid is lost on a lot of people it seems.
• Prince Fielder finally hit his first home run of the season last night. I was starting to think he needs to put a few more donuts on his bat.
• On the ferry this morning, I was unfortunately subjected to a phone conversation in which a woman was being dumped by her boyfriend. I only heard the woman’s side, but when she said “Sorry, I’m just not horny after working 14 hours,” I turned the volume of my XM radio up to the point where it was painful to my ears. It was much less painful than the conversation. I’m not one of those people who are intolerant of cell phones. In fact, I figure it’s way better than having to listen to two people talk. But I do think people often forget that they are in public when they use them. Why is that?
• What a surprise, the “Abortion Art” was a fake. Like I said elsewhere, she didn’t need to fake abortions to outrage me. The phrase “Yale art student” outrages me enough as it is.

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It’s good to see that East Coast train commuters are the same as West Coast ferry commuters.

They have the same cliques of people who think their mode of commute is their personal rec room, being overly loud with conversations involving the personal details of their lives who refuse to believe they could possibly be bothering anyone. I swear, I could write a biography about some of the people I regularly commute with which would include who they’ve had sex with, how many abortions they’ve had, what their bowels are doing, what their kid is in prison for, and all kinds of other stuff I don’t want to know.

Then there’s the guy who is the self-appointed rule enforcer, who thinks he’s in a library and delights in rudely telling people to quiet down or enforce the seating rules in the most confrontational way possible. Though there are a few women, on my commute they tend to be effeminate and/or gay men, whose high-pitched voices drive people extra nuts. I’m not sure if I’d rather have the hand-slapping, empty threat making ex-cop who compares himself to Rosa Parks from the article or not. Probably.

Notice who are not mentioned in the article? The 90% of people who are quietly minding their own business, reading a book, listening to an iPod, blogging on their WiFi connection, or maybe having a conversation in a normal voice. People who will gladly share their space if the commute is crowded. People who realize we’re all just trying to get to work and back and being one kind or the other of jerk isn’t going to make anyone’s day any better. I’d say I pride myself in (almost always) being in that group, but acting like a normal human being when we’re all trapped on a boat or a train isn’t really anything to be proud of.

I think the people on the train should just be thankful they don’t have to put up with a summer full of tourists who go to the front of the wall and proclaim “I’m king of the world!” and laugh hysterically at their own immensely clever realization that they are on a boat, just like in the Titanic movie. By the time the 100th tourist of the summer does that I’m ready for the 3 hour commute on I-5.

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I’ve had it with the Seattle PI. It’s too bad the JOA dispute with the Seattle Times didn’t cause them to fold.
Take, for example, yesterday:

General Petraeus: “Iran has played a destructive role.”

Seattle PI: “It was the Iranians, not the surge, that are responsible for the late improvement. Oh, and the war is unwinnable.”

This is a few days after they excused the inexcusable: Baghdad Jim’s trip to Iraq on Saddam’s nickel. It was OK, you see, for a sitting congressman to be manipulated by a dictator who was under sanctions by the US and the UN because “he was right.”

Even if you accept that he was right, that’s an interesting standard they set. It’s fine to take trips paid for by blood money as long as you are fighting the good fight.

If I were to hit the streets tonight and gun down meth dealers who are ruining the lives of hundreds, will the Seattle PI Editorial Board come to my defense when I’m arrested? (Let’s assume all the drug dealers are white, to take one of their favorite cards out of the equation.) Somehow I doubt it.

Of course, all of this follows the PI’s refusal to run the pictures of some people the FBI wanted to talk to because they thought they might be casing the ferry system thousands of people, including me, travel on every day.

They’ve demonstrated time and again that the interests of their country, justice, and even the safety of their own readers takes a back seat to their political agenda. In the words of one of their hero Kos: Screw them.

Plus I might point out that they called Kansas the most overrated #1 seed and had them losing in the Sweet 16, so it’s not like their sports section redeems them at all.

The other day on the ferry a woman put her bags down across from me, went and bought a paper, came back, took out the crossword puzzle and threw the rest of the paper in the recycling without looking at it. At first I thought that was one of the silliest things I’d ever seen. Then I realized it was the PI and thought maybe it was the smartest thing I’ve ever seen.

By the way, I hope the McCain campaign is paying attention to the memes being developed in the Petraeus editorial. The left is tipping their hand as to how they are going to try to shoot down (pun intended) McCain in the fall. McCain says he helped push for the surge, claim it was the Iranians, not the surge that was effective. People think Obama is too soft on Iraq? Make the case that Afghanistan is where we should be being tough, and can only do so by abandoning Iraq. Those are ridiculous arguments that need to be cut off at the pass before they become another false truism of the left.

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Overheard on the ferry this morning after the announcement that we were approaching the Seattle dock:

Disembark? What’s that, French for “get off”?

That tops the time I heard a couple discussing whether “deplane” is a real word after landing in Salt Lake City.

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• Dang it, Angelina Jolie, stop making sense. Everything about you screams, “When I talk about the real world, I’ll sound like an idiot.” It’s a little confusing when you don’t.
• It’s amazing how much better a haircut will make me feel. My daughter was calling me a dirty hippie the other morning and I needed to look presentable by Thursday. My gay barber also filled me in all about the new silicon testicle he received after battling testicular cancer. So now I know all about that…
• On the ferry Wednesday night I was subjected to a conversation by some people who were sitting near the only plug available for my laptop. I picked up two facts from their conversation: 1) They have a friend named “Tiara” (like the beauty pageant crown) who has one kid and who is 2)knocked up by a “piece of crap” seventeen year-old (Tiara is apparently in her 20’s). I also knew 3) that the ferry was headed to Bremerton. I maintain that any one of those facts is discernible from the other two.
• The insane fringe is at it again near Seattle. ELF burnt down houses that aren’t deemed “green” by them. I wonder if building the exact same house a second time because some maniacs burnt it down the first time is “green.”
• A mother and two sons were killed and a father shot five times because the parents didn’t approve of the 16-year-old daughter’s boyfriend. So, was that supposed to prove they were wrong for not approving of him? That’s why in the future, when my daughter brings home a boy while she lives in my house, I’m just going to go ahead and break his nose with the butt of my shotgun, just to get the question of dominance out of the way.
• The Seattle PI proclaims “Blacks are arrested for contempt of cop [obstruction] charge at a higher rate”. Eight times higher, in fact. Maybe because they obstruct at an eight times higher rate? Nah… There’s only about 30 black guys in the whole city, it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out. Somehow, I don’t see institutional racism being a huge problem in the SPD like it might be in Chicago or New York. In the meantime, here is a helpful video for black folks in Seattle who feel they are being oppressed by the SPD:

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A sum of my commuting issues over the last month and a half:

• February 4: After a month of a tiny, crowded ferry, Bremerton gets their big car-ferry back, allowing almost everyone to get to work on time.
• February 7: A Bremerton car-ferry crashes into a breakwater. The DOT tells us that it sustained “wind damage” and would be out of service until further notice.
• February 8: After the morning commute the DOT decides to bring in 3-150 passenger ferries to replace the out of service car ferry that has a capacity of 144 cars and 2500 passengers.
• February 11: One of the passenger ferries crashes into a dock and injures five people . The DOT tells us that it is out of service because of “mechanical problems” for a few runs.
• February 13, 6:00 AM: The DOT informs us that one of the old ferries, the Hyak, they hadn’t bothered to maintain is out of dry dock following Coast Guard mandated maintenance and two car-ferry service is restored as of the 6:20 AM sailing from Bremerton.
• February 13, 8:00 AM: The DOT informs us that the Hyak is out of service due to mechanical problems. I wonder where it crashed this time.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait until these people are put in charge of running our health care system.

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I must have passed this hot dog outside a hot dog stand in the ferry terminal hundreds of times:

Today I noticed something disturbing about him. Well, besides the fact that he’s an anthropomorphic hot dog. What I found even more disturbing than a hot dog with arms and legs is that he is applying condiments to himself.

What the hell is up with that? He’s preparing himself to be eaten. Kind of like the chunky girl in Silence of the Lambs was applying lotion in preparation to be made into clothes. But unlike her, he seems to be happy about it! Look at him. He’s smiling and squeezing the ketchup on. Worse, he’s licking his lips. What the hell? Does he think he’s going to taste good? Does thinking about how good he’s going to taste make him hungry himself? Or is it even weirder and he’s going to eat himself, and licking his lips in anticipation of that?

The hot dog guy – he freaks me out.

There was more freakiness at the ferry terminal tonight. Something I have never seen. A youngish, not bad looking woman was sitting at one of the tables, leaning back in her chair happily knitting, WITH HER SHIRT WIDE OPEN AND HER NOT GENEROUSLY COVERING BLUE BRA EXPOSED. And I don’t mean she had it unbuttoned a few buttons, I mean she had no buttons done up, it was hanging at her sides as she leaned back, and everyone was getting the full show. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a bikini top at the beach on the right woman. You might say I even enjoy that. But it’s just a little strange at the ferry terminal in January.

I got my phone ready to take a picture of her as evidence, but right as I did one of my law school classmates who lives on Lawyer (Bainbridge) Island walked up behind me. The last thing I need is a rumor going around that I’m a perv who takes pictures of women in their underwear in public places and posts them on a blog… even though that was pretty much the plan.

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• This is why I’m happy I have only vague recollections of the ’70’s. Well, that and Jimmy Carter.
• Holy cow, there are only three weeks left of class this semester. Better start studying.
• Registration for spring semester is done. My classes next semester: Patent and Trade Secret Law, Trademark Law, Patent Prosecution Lab, Intellectual Property Licensing Lab, and Individual Income Tax Law. I’m bored already.
• Our Admiralty Law professor is making us write our exam by hand. What is this, the 70’s? Obviously not, because no one is dressed like in that first link. The problem is that the only thing worse than my handwriting is my handwriting when I have a limited time to write something. This has trouble written all over it. If I feel my grade was knocked because of my handwriting, I’m going to be in the Dean’s office raising absolute hell. Then again, the prof didn’t seem to think handwriting will be a problem. Maybe he just assumes you are right if he can’t read it.
• It’s good to know that my old stomping grounds of Madison still has its annoying lefty population and the same bumper sticker problem that Seattle has. A scooter at school has the “Live simply so that others may simply live” and I’ve been meaning to comment on it for awhile. I think Atomic Trousers sums it up pretty well, though. I’d add that a gas powered scooter is a luxury beyond dreams for people in many parts of the world, so I’d start walking if I were that lady and really believed it. I’ve never had a problem with the “Coexist” sticker, other than the fact that people who slap those on are the kind of hypocrites who would bend over backwards to accommodate Islam or Eastern Religions, but would probably get pissed about a Christmas tree in the airport.
• There is a fellow ferry/motorcycle commuter who has a sticker on his helmet that says “This helmet worn under protest.” The only problem with that is that it is a full face helmet. I have a hard time taking that protest seriously. “I don’t want to wear a helmet at all, but since I have to, I’m going to wear the biggest one I can find.
• The Kitsap for Peace protesters were back for their weekly Friday protest/receiving of the bird at the Bremerton ferry terminal tonight after an absence of one or the other of us for four or so weeks. They’ve imported a giant puppet head from Seattle. Just when I thought they couldn’t get any more stupid looking…
• We had our charity auction at work today. That’s the end of the work year for a lot of the old guard there. Unfortunately, I still have to work. At least until December 7 when I take a month off.
• Friday night! Time to play Halo 3. (Looks at item 2.) Or not… Am I almost done?

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…have a commute for pussies.

My commute:

(Not pictured: Me on the car deck doing laps on my motorcycle popping wheelies.)

YEE-HAW!

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Yeah, it was a “marijuana smoking device” made out of carpet and duct tape. Yeah. Sure. None of the ferry crew or cops had any idea what it was. Uh-huh.

I’d say there is about a 50-50 chance it belonged to one of the ferry workers.

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I was in a fast-food eatery in the Sioux Falls airport yesterday outside of security letting my parents spend a few extra minutes with my daughter because my plane was slightly delayed. Fox News was on TV and I saw a familiar sight – the Seattle ferry terminal. The FBI is looking for a couple of people who were acting suspicious on the boat. After the feeling of surrealness caused by seeing my daily life on TV in a remote airport passed, I turned to my parents and said, “Great, this is going to make my commute a pain in the ass for the next few months because everyone will be paranoid.”

How right I turned out to be. As we approached Seattle this morning, the ferry was told to hold in Elliot Bay because Pier 52 was shut down because a “suspicious package” was found on the Bainbridge Island ferry. After a few minutes they were allowed in, but all the foot passengers had to disembark on the car deck. I snapped a picture with my cell camera as I waited on my motorcycle:

Maybe that package warranted this kind of trouble, but I doubt it. We need to find a happy medium. I’m sure there is good reason to be looking for those two guys. As someone who has ridden the ferry pretty much every work day for the past six years I can readily tell you the kinds of people who make sense in the context of the ferry (tourists and commuters) and when someone stands out from those types I notice, as I’m sure someone else noticed these guys. I can also tell you the types of pictures people take on the ferry – and empty stairwells aren’t one of them. Maybe they had good reason, maybe they didn’t. The FBI is doing its job by trying to find out.
However, we don’t need to shut down a major commuting route every time Aunt Mildred forgets her purse in the can because we are freaked out about some middle eastern guys taking pictures. We can’t allow ourselves to be terrorized by empty boxes.

I also got plunged back into Blue Area PC Idiocy this morning. When discussing this with a couple of co-workers before a meeting someone said, “I’m sure they’re olive skin and dark hair didn’t help them. It’s disgusting.”

Because I’m already grumpy from my vacation ending I snarled back at them: “Bullshit! I can’t leave my backpack on the table [of the ferry] to take a piss without being hassled by the State Patrol, and I’m as white as they come. And I’m sorry that it’s true that olive skinned people are overrepresented in the terrorist population, but it’s true. If the FBI was looking for a serial killer they’d be looking for a white guy, so cram it.”

To which another co-worker replied, “Well, I guess we know you’re back from vacation.”

Jackasses.

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A helmet sticker on one of the motorcyclists on the ferry lately: “I’d rather [vulgar word for copulate] than breathe.”

All I can think of is “How often does that choice come up?”

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The Riddler (circa Adam West era) was on board the ferry this morning. No word on why he was missing his question marks. Maybe he was picking them up in Seattle:

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Thankfully this is a short week, even if I have to work Saturday, because I’m already through with my fellow commuters for the week.

Wednesday morning, I shared a booth with a normal looking guy – white, middle aged, average dress, average everything. As the ferry gets underway, he kicks back and flips open a magazine. The cover story is, “The Science of Extra-Terrestrials,” with a fancy color drawing of a flying saucer and everything. He put the magazine down for a second and I see he’s reading an article with the bold sidebar reading something like: “The truth is coming out about the Zionist-US government conspiracy and what really happened on 9/11.” So I think, great, another fruitcake, but don’t pay it much heed. Until, that is, I catch a glimpse of his work badge. It is a NAVSEA badge, meaning he works for the Navy, and his badge indicates that he has security clearance. It is likely that this guy has access to aircraft carriers and nuclear submarines, including the nuclear reactors. It is certain he has access to something the government doesn’t want just anyone to see regarding our naval forces.

Now, I read my fair share of whack-job material, say the Daily Kos, for fun, so I maybe I gave him the benefit of the doubt and ask him.

“Some light reading?”

“Yeah. Got to keep up to date.”

“You don’t believe that stuff, do you?”

“I think a lot of it is probably true.”

So we have a guy with security clearance openly saying that he thinks the US government in conjunction with “Zionist forces” caused the events of 9/11/01. What is scary about that to me is that puts him philosophically in line with Iran. Do you think Iran has any interest in nuclear secrets and/or sensitive information about our navy? After I thought about this awhile, I kicked myself for not getting his name. Someone like that should definitely have their security clearance re-evaluated.

Then this morning a guy sits across from me, whips out his phone, and leaves a voice message for his wife (or girlfriend I suppose).

“I’m sorry I unloaded on you this morning before I left. I’m just under a lot of stress. Don’t bother trying to call back, my phone is dying.”

He then lays down on the bench and goes to sleep. I break from my studying for a second to wonder how much stress he can really be under if 1.) he can waste an hour in the morning sleeping, and 2.) has a job he clearly doesn’t need to shower for.

A few minutes later his phone rings. He wakes up and answers it and just lays into his domestic partner on the other end in a loud manner.

“Didn’t you [expletive deleted] get my message? I apologized and told you not to bother calling. You’re calling me during [expletive deleted] sleep time on the ferry! What the [expletive deleted] is wrong with you?”

I’m guessing he called her again to apologize once he got to Seattle and that apology precipitated another argument which he’ll apologize again for to cause yet another argument until the whole thing ends violently.

Yes, I’m surrounded by winners. I need some noise canceling headphones and some blinders so I can’t see anything other than my book or computer screen. I’d be a lot happier with my commute.

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I normally don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, especially since the black guy on the show dared utter the word “fag,” but tonight they are crashing my ferry into a freighter. Needless to say, the TiVo has been instructed to record it tonight.

Actually, it’s not my regular ferry, but the Bainbridge Island ferry that leaves from the same dock and that I occasionally take. I guess I can understand that, saving worthwhile people rather than the assortment of knuckle-draggers, strippers, and meth addicts that I share the late night ferry with probably makes for better drama. Plus Bainbridge Island has the most lawyers per square mile in the world. And burning lawyers alive? Ratings gold.

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